Life

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Grandpa

Grandpa

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye..

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Protect the students from Flu

So hot! And so tired!

I almost fell in sleep while sitting on the concrete stair way in front of Dr. Zhu's door in spring 1996 in the hospital of agricultural reclamation in Haikou. I was there for almost 4 hours waiting for Dr. Zhou to come home so I could ask her to write a prescription for the students to protect them to get flu.

The flu that year was pretty bad and majority the schools in Haikou were affected and lots of students had to stay home. As a new boarding school, we could not offer to do the same. As a school doctor, I have to figure out the way to make our students stay in school for their normal school days.

I am not a traditional medicine doctor and do not know much about herb medicine. So I went to the nearest hospital from school and asked the health department how to protect my students. The head of the health department of the hospital gave me a prescription of herb medicine and I made the kitchen boiled them and sent to every class to drink. It worked well at the first week and the following week, when I went to there again and ask for the same prescription, the head of the health department gave me a different one which tastes really bad and the students refuse to take it.

I understood that as the medication was for protection and for everyone, the taste should not be too unpleasant and it also needs to be effected. So I decided to go to the traditional medicine department and get a real herb medicine doctor to write the prescription. But that day, the doctor I was looking for went out for a meeting and would not be back till noon.

The transportation in the school at that time was not that convenience so I decided to wait in the hospital. Even it was spring, the temperature of Hainan was high, and the sun was hot directly shining on my face. With asking few people of directions, I found Dr. Zhou's apartment and sitting down on the stair way and wait.

At noon, she was finally back. Looking on the sweating faced me and confused: "You are here waiting for me all morning at this temperature? Do I know you?" "No, but you will. My name is X.W. and I am a doctor in Jingshan School. I need your help to give me a prescription for the whole school children to drink to prevent flu. The ages of the students are from 3 to 18 years old. They are the students from kindergarten to high school. I have about 200 students and 40 staff members."

After I finished what I wanted with one breath, she looked on me and touched by my responsible work ethic and caring heart. "I normally do not give prescription at home but you are here for all the students, I admire you spirit of treating your job so seriously. Give me few minutes and I will get it ready for you."

That year, many schools in Haikou had about 30-60% students were sick with flu. but mine. The school administration was so proud and that we earned a good name as taking good care of the students. That was the good year the school started.