2021年世界新冠大流行期间回国经历：Thursday, September 30, 2021 4:16:23 PM

 

   回国一周了，从摄像头中看到父母和他们生活的点点滴滴，听到父亲的呻吟，母亲的咳嗽… …

   插着鼻胃管和膀胱造瘘尿管的父亲躺在床上已经两三年了，这两天常常听到他的呻吟，声音之大，是可以惊到人的。说明他还是有力气的。这些都是胃管喂养的功劳。

   可以想象得到，父亲早就厌世了，他自从两年前因为摔倒，股骨骨折，然后住院导致肺炎后，就没有离开过床。也没有离开过胃管。他拒绝吃东西，拒绝喝水，这也许就是他拒绝生存的表示，但是，母亲却执意的仍他活着，心甘情愿的照顾他。如今，听着他痛苦的嚎叫，竟有一种厌恶的感觉。嗡玛尼咇弥哄！

   母亲的选择未必是父亲的意愿。所以，有自己的生前预嘱是必须的。母亲在为自己的选择付出，但是她自己也病了，就开始要求儿女为她的选择付出。也对，不会太久的。似乎不能吞咽的母亲每天仍然要吃，而且不能提不吃的事情。脾气也大，昨晚又给弟弟发脾气，置气：你走吧。明天爱来不来。无明的母亲啊，她的儿子才是真正的为了她好啊！为了她的究竟解脱啊！

   母亲还是惦念我的，发来语音，问我隔离的生活怎么样，是否有吃的，是否有钱。我自然是告诉她一切正常。

   这两天来，我的情绪不好。因为不适应，因为繁琐，今天早晨，因为检测取样的痛苦… …

   真是可笑，我一个修心的人，竟然连这样的环境和状况都适应不了，修行修到脚后跟上了。Shim on me!早就知道，远离这个国家太久了，无论是思维还是行动都会格格不入，为什么还要被打扰到？难得的修行机会，要悟啊！

   其实，对于政府的管理方法和为人处世，我早在家里就是很明确的。我不赞同。但是，那又与我无关。但颠倒是非的事情的确让人不齿。这次疫情，连我这个中国人都对所谓的源头的事情冷笑，都开始心中有所怨气，更何况其他人？颠倒是非，混淆黑白，以假乱真。不干涉内政，你怎么管理你的地域，别人没有兴趣管，也管不着。但是在国际舞台上如此，就的确让人不齿。算了，我不是愤青，不问国事。安静修心才是。

   “幸运的人一辈子都被童年治愈，不幸的人一生都在治愈童年。”这句心理学的名言对我非常适合。渐渐的认识到了，自己才是那个一生都在治愈童年的不幸的人。

   人在有情绪的时候，往往会做出一些不理智的举动，言语也好，行动也罢。昨天我被情绪牵绕，对姐姐的态度有问题，希望她可以原凉。

My experience for flying back to China during the pandemic

 

Sunday, September 26, 2021  4:06:48 PM

My experience for flying back to China during the pandemic

Visa

My mom was diagnosed with esophageal tumor since last November. Mom is the primary caregiver to my dad who is bedridden for many years with Alzheimer, NG feeding, and super pelvic catheter. Apparently, they need someone to be there. My sister and brother were doing their share and I was willing to do my share.

I have a ten years vise to visit China, but because the pandemic, the ten years visa is not valid now and if there were a need, who need to apply a Humanity visa. I applied the Humanity Visa to go back to China to visit last year.  The result was disappointed. I got my passport back without visa.

Mother was very upset but has to accept it eventually.

Mother is over 80 years old and does not want to go through all the painful diagnostic examinations and do not want experience any painful treatment. She decides that just let it be.

Time goes by. Over half year past, mother’s swallow difficulty has gradually increased. From August, 2021, she even could not swallow liquid food and then even water. Apparently, without eat and drink, she could not survive. Finally, she accepts to get IV fluid. From the picture my sister sent to me, she lost lots of weight, she does not even look like my mother anymore.

I applied the humanity visa again by the end of August. Endless paper work done through email and then I was instructed to mail my passport and print out all the paper work and send to the consulate, and then wait.

To avoid disappointment, I told myself not hold my hope up. But just in case, I applied for family medical leave from work and made notes: it depends on my visa.

Life goes on. My sister and brother in law stayed with us for over a year now and they are ready to go back to China due to mother’s situation. They are Chinese citizen and they can go back without any problem. They bought the flight tickets for September 24^th and I have planned their trip accordingly.

Sep. 22 2021: 5：30 AM, get on the Amtrak from Eugene to Seattle. Arrive in Seattle at 11:50.

Sep. 22 2021 at 12:00, take the car recommended from the hotel we booked in Seattle to the hotel-Hilton garden inn. Drop off all the luggage and walk to the lab to do the Chinese government required COVID 19 tests before get on the flight to China.

Sep. 23 2021: stay in hotel and waiting for testing result and apply for health code to get on the flight.

Sep. 24 2021 12:10AM: get on the Delta 289 to fly from Seattle to Shanghai.

I would go back to Eugene by Amtrak at the 24^th after sending them off. That is why I exchanged my work schedule from 21^st to 25^th.

At 17^th of Sep. 2021 evening, my sister checked the mail. She get a express mail and handed to me while I was on the porch just started to enjoy the outdoor fresh air.

I opened the envelope and found my passport with a visa!!

I got up and hurried to upstairs and turned on my computer and bought myself a flight ticket with the same flight my sisters have. I was so lucky because there were only 4 tickets left. And then, I have to cancel my return Amtrak ticket. We booked the hotel with no refund for better price so we kept my stay in the hotel for another day and after my sister check out, three of us get in my room and rested a little till 6pm that we went to the airport.

For the hotel stay, I am fine with everything but for the ride, I have been told the ride from the hotel to airport is $70.00. When I was asking the driver: how much we own you and how do you like to be paid? He said: “$100.00, cash with tip.” For a smooth trip, I did not question. I just handed him a 100 dolor bill to get over with it. The driver who derived us from the Amtrak station to the hotel only charged us $70.00 and I asked her: how much we own you and how do you like to be paid? She said: $70.00 and anyway if you like to pay. I choose pay her cash.

The COVID 19 tests:

We made an appointment at the Anytests lab at 13:30. We used this lab because it is the recommended by the Chinese consulate per other flying group members. We booked the hotel just because that is a walking distance to the testing lab.

When we arrived the lab, it was only 13:00. The lab employee hurried to take us to get the sample collected. So they can perform the test on time.

We have to open our passport information page and hold in our hand while they were taking samples and the other lab worker will take our cell phone and take our pictures at the same time. One nasal swab, one pharyngeal swab and one blood draw.

And there were paper works: letter of commitment on COVID 19 vaccine; consent for testing, patient intake. Luckily, I got most the paper work online and fill them out before come. That saved some time. And then, we take pictures with the paper work and passport together. And we need to take another picture with holding our passport in front of the Lab facility. And then scan the barcode to join the DL289 weichat group to get result and communications. My weichat phone does not have phone card, I had to use their free wi-fi to get to weichat for that.

Everything is done. We went back to hotel to check in.                

We took food with us, so we do not go out to eat. After ate, took a hot shower and lying down in bed and wait. We have been told that the results will be in our email box around mid-night. Since we have been getting up so early to get on the train and we can just rest and trying to make my mind in order. It is good to have some time alone.

Trying to get some rest. Fall in and out sleep many times. When I was checking on the clock, there was about 1 hour each time when I wake up to check my email. The flying group members are all nerves and keeping posts it kept me awake more. Start at the midnight, some people getting their results and I was the later one get them. Checked it and all are normal. So I started to get in the system to submit all the needed result and paper work to the system in order to get the health code to get on the flight. The system is different for non-Chinese citizens. I tried to use phone to do so, it is not easy that I missed upload lots of pictures and papers. After my sister get hers and her husband’s done and left my room. I started to turn on my computer and do it on computer. It is much easier and I completed it by 2:30 AM and submitted to the San Francisco Chinese consulate. Finally, I can rest.

Wake up at 7 AM, check my health code, the color was orange (under verification). Continue to try to sleep. And wake up in an hour, checked the code, still orange. In and out sleep till 10:00AM, I decide to get up and start my coffee. At 10:30AM, my code changed color: green and shinning! I have passed the requirement！ I can get on the flight to go back to my parents!

The flight:

The flight is DL289. We arrived the airport4 hour early so we do not need to be hurry.

Since I was planning to stay in 90 days. I almost took all my necessary stuff with me. So as my sisters, they realized that lots of winter cloth they took to my home are not needed but were needed in China. So they tool lots of luggage as well. We are the first one to come to the check in counter. They were not ready to work yet. They were just setting up the station. We waited a while and they started to check us in. luggage is too heavy, they tried to let us took out some and then put in some, very patiently to adjust the weight and not cost up more money. We do appreciate it very much!

Through security check, we came to the gate and peacefully waiting. That was a good feeling. Just before on board, we were checked temperature and they put a brown sticker on back of out passport. And then raw by raw has been called to board. I was the last one to get on board because I sit the last raw, seat 56B. There is no one seat at 56A.

I was so lucky that the food service is acceptable to me. I ordered pasta which is happening to be vegetarian. And then later on, I was at sleep when they serve food. They put the food on my table and when I wake up, there is still vegetarian. I was going to book food as vegetarians, but did get chance. There were too much to do before we leave.

And I, myself sit on two seat the way flight to Shanghai, China!

The quarantine:

The policy is: direct flight from America to China, passengers need to be quarantined at the city of the flight destination for 14 days. After that, the passenger could go back to their final destination and quarantine following local policy. At the moment, in my home province, it is 14+7+7. I asked my nephew what the policy of Nan yang, he answered: 7 days at home quarantine. I hope this will not change.

When we arrived in Shanghai, we have been told that staying in the seat and wait for custom to check. Someone came and talked with few passengers and then lead them left. And then we were told can pick up our personal belongs and get off the flight.

Following the flow, we were at the custom. Step by step, checked our passport, scanned our custom health declaring code and then was giving a consent paper to sign for consent for collecting samples for test and was given to a testing tube with red viral media and our own name and passport number on, and a biohazard bag. We were told to follow the flow to the COVID 19 nuclear testing area. I was called and handed the tube and bag to the testing personal and they did nasal swab and pharyngeal swab with make me sick. Then I was allowed to leave to claim my luggage.

Got the luggage and was lead to the area have different final destinations. That was used to arrange different hotel for quarantine. Our passport was collected by the staff. We were at the other category which is outside of Zhejiang province. We were also the last group to get out of the airport and get on the bus to hotel. That was about 10AM.

At the main lobby of the 1800 YIxian RD, Bao Long hotel, we were told to scan a bar code to put our personal information in and forming a barcode to show the front desk person. They scanned it and assigned a room for us and gave us a plastic bag with the room number on it. There is paper work and sanitize material in the bag. And finally, I got my passport back!

We were lucky. My sister and brother in law were allowed to stay in the same room for quarantine. They are in 8^th floor. I am in 20^th floor with good view. Everything is fine. I asked them not ordering me food since I am vegetarian and not eat much. I do not want to waste. I have my own food arranged.

Two weeks alone and stay in hotel, no worry about food and drink, no worry about going out to do anything! How lucky! I can just do what I want to do!

Here is my schedule for a day:

Get up at 5:00 AM;

Start practice and drink water;

Start drinking coffee and turn on my computer;

Start exercises: palates, yoga etc.

Reading and listening Buddhist teaching.

Life is beautiful and I do not want to complain. Just enjoy what I am having at the moment. I will be home taking care of my parents soon.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Suddenly, I feel hungry. Shanghai called me for the health code that I had trouble with while I decided forget about it.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021    10:18:16 PM

I am trying to be positive. But the experiences are not so positive.

At first, the quarantine hotel: I try to see the good part, not the dirtiness. The cost is 380 RMB/day, 14days; it will cost 5320 Yuan RMB. It is about $760.00. I wish they will charge my credit card so that I will not use other people’s money.

The second, all the codes, I could not deal with. I tried, very hard tried and tired. It is not worth my energy. I gave up.

The third, the community will pick me up at the airport in Nanyang with ambulance and the cost is 200yuan RMB and then there are three times nuclear tests, each time cost at least 18 yuan RMB for two days result and for same day result will cost 65 yuan RMB. I do not have any Chinese money and I do not have any method to pay as they required. My son and my sister all trying to send me money to my weichat, but my weichat would not take money.

I am already broken here in China for not even seeing my parents and my granddaughter. I prefer to spend my own money. I prefer to pay by my US credit card.

I am going to try to link my credit card to alipay.

2021年新冠世界大流行中回国经历：2021年9月25日星期六

 4:09:19 PM

        早早的起床了，决定将自己的日常变得正常。已经梳洗完毕，做完功课，喝完咖啡。现在，听着药师佛的课，梳理思路。

   带了两个手机，心想可以把手机卡安装上，但是突然想到，我没有拿钥匙，自然没有开手机的针孔针，思考着。给大姐发了信息，让她在让人送咖啡的时候一同将她带的送过来。车到山前必有路。

   今天应该有检测，等待中。喝些水。但是嗓子似乎不太舒服。头有些不舒服，大概是时差的缘故，我没有好好休息。也罢，等喝完这杯水，开始做操，将生活恢复正常。

  意外的发现他们昨天给我送餐了，大概是中餐，在外面很久了，拿了进来，拆开看了，放入冰箱，也许可以用开水冲洗后将蔬菜吃掉，少些浪费。

  看到同机的飞友有诸多的抱怨，很是遗憾。但是我却感到非常满意，酒店干净，方便，已经很满意了。而且助我开始两周的闭关修行。感恩。

  7:55:49 PM

   做完操，刚刚吃完饭，刷牙，洗脸，现在安定了，决定写一些文字，纪念这次经历。

2021年新冠世界大流行之旅行经历

签证

   在母亲发现自己吞咽有困难的时候，大约是2020年的11月份，通过检查，诊断为食道占位。需要做食道镜检查和或组织检查以确诊。但是因为母亲年纪大了，不打算做进一步的检查和治疗，就没有往下进行。但是大家心里都明白是什么毛病。母亲自己说：这种病，老话说是“吃麦不吃豆”，我不愿意受那些罪。听其自然吧。

   父亲卧床不起已经数年，完全靠母亲照顾。近两年，虽然因为父亲的照顾级别增加，需要专业的管理，父母就一起搬到了养老院，一是那里有专业人员，二是父母两个人也好有个照应。现在相对健康的母亲生病了，就希望我们这些在外的子女回去分担一些。因此，费尽周折，向领事馆申请了人道签证。但是很遗憾，没有批准。

   当时情感抑郁的我，内心清楚：远在大洋彼岸的我，可能再也没有机会见到自己的父母了。抑郁过后，生活还得继续：上班，工作，做家务。

   一晃，半年多过去了，母亲的病情逐渐加重，现在已经难以吞咽流质，靠静脉输液生存，人也瘦的变了样子，很让人心疼。因此，再次尝试申请人道签证。

   非常幸运，在填写声明，提供诊断证明和住院资料后，这次很快拿到了签证。

   对于这次的签证过程，真要感谢父母养老院的主任和护士。我微信联系主任，主任立即回复，告诉我她让管理我父母房间的护士处理。我联系房间护士，护士上班就到办公室将病历文件打印，并将住院证和诊断证开好打印，交给了在房里的家属，家属扫描后发给我，我就通过电子邮件提交给领事馆了。而领事馆在收到相应的表格和资料后，就通过电子邮件详细的建议我将所有材料打印出来，连同护照和5美元的签证费寄给领事馆。因为过去的经历，将材料寄出后，我没有抱什么希望。但是考虑的可能会拿到签证，就着手办理请假手续。因为是家庭医疗休假，就是手续问题，经纪公司接到请求后，很快就通知医院了。因为早就给科室经理打了招呼，当科室经理接到通知后问我：“这个假期是要等你的签证呢？还是现在就要请假？”“当然是要等签证了。我会告诉您的。”我回答。经理非常善解人意：“好，我等你通知。”

   所以，托大家的福，我这次请假，申请签证，甚至买机票，做新冠检测，以及隔离，都很顺利。昨天到达上海后，现在在酒店隔离。一切正常。

  感恩！

登机

   在上飞机之前：

健康码（绿码）：每个人都需要拿到一个健康绿码，而且是活动的，才可以登机。

   这个健康码，要用微信扫码，然后注册，将个人信息和护照号码以及身份证号码填写完毕，然后上传所做的新冠核酸检查，新冠IgM以及N蛋白检测结果，并要上传领事馆网站的疫苗声明，疫苗卡，和在检验室做新冠检查的一系列的图片（鼻咽拭子，抽血，实验室门前照片等，均为本人手拿护照，展示信息页），然后等待。

   我们是中午时分达到实验室的，被火速的带去取样，拍照；然后才是填表，缴费。必须称赞实验室的工作人员，他们不辞辛苦，而且非常周到的用中文与来验者用中文交流，并耐心的帮助那些年纪过大，不太熟悉智能手机和微信的来验者将获取化验结果的方法搞定。还要帮助我这种手写字迹潦草的人更正邮件地址，免得影响收到结果。并建立了次日航班的飞友群。当日应该是大概两点钟结束取样，然后我们就回酒店等待了。等到夜里零点多，飞友们才陆续收到化验结果。大约每个人在收到结果后即开始填写绿码程序，上传结果。我因为不是中国护照，开始上传是用手机做的，但是很不方便，忘记了上传很多的图片和表格。最后，还是打开电脑，使用电脑操作，才最后搞定，此时的健康码为黄色（审查中），届时已是次日的凌晨两点多。只有完成了才可以安稳的睡觉。

   原以为要多睡一会儿的，但是次日却在7点钟早早的醒来，赶快查健康码状态：在审核中。又倒头睡去，似睡非睡的，感觉过来很久，再次查看时间，原来才过了一个小时，查看健康码状态，仍然在审核中。就又倒头睡去，再次醒来查看，审查中… …反复多次，大约每30-60分钟醒来一次。直到大约上午10：30左右，才看到健康码终于绿了，而且是闪闪发光的绿！这才定下了悬着的心。

   当然，我们都被告知，登机前要将另一个微信二维码生成，但是不可以太早，因为是海关申报码，只有24小时的有效期。但是好的是，这个码不用动态的，可以截屏，在登机前和下飞机后给工作人员扫描即可。但是对我来说，我的微信手机没有电话卡，没有流量，只能使用无线网络才可以做，因此，假如我从宾馆离开，就不能做了。所以，就早早的将信息填进去，有些内容很复杂，需要在手机和电脑中查找，但是提交后生成的二维码在作废后还可以再次申请，而且原来填写的内容都还在，不用重新再填，就方便多了。我总共生成了三个海关码，最后一个的过期时间是9月25号的8：29：05，而我的飞机到达时间是6：45。

   因为疫情，登机程序自然复杂。我们早早来到机场，应该是本次航班的第一个办理手续托运行李的。我们的行李超重，工作人员非常的耐心，帮助我们一点点的减少，又一点点的加上，让我们不少一两的可以将行李托运。非常感激！对了，我们乘坐的是达美航空，办理手续的机场工作人员竟然提供中文服务，姐夫的中国手机号码在美国工作不正常，机场的无线网又不给力，工作人员竟然把自己的手机热点给姐夫使用，以便调出他的绿色的健康码。非常感激！

   顺利通过安检后，我们就到了登机口，当然，我们早到了4个小时！

   登机前，要每个人测体温，查健康码，查海关码，登机。原来，我坐在最后一排，而且我一个人坐了两个座位。在几乎满载的机舱里，我是不是太幸运了？！

隔离：

   下飞机后，首先是要通过海关，这个相对简单些，过海关的时候看护照，扫描海关码，然后旁边工作人员给一份知情书需要签字，一个装有红色液体的带有你的姓名和护照号码的病毒试管，一个生物制品塑料袋。然后排队去采样。整个过程也算井然有序。

   然后就是取行李，取完行李，按照目的地不同排队，走到一个区域，被全副武装的工作人员挨个询问目的地，收取护照，然后客气的让大家在座椅上休息，等待。

   等了一会儿，在工作人员开始点名，排队，带我们排队出走，等待大巴。我们这一行人是最后走出机场登上大巴的。大巴将我们带到了现在的居住地点：上海逸仙路180号的宝隆宾馆。

   全副武装的工作人员开始按照护照给编房屋，并指点我们在大厅扫描二维码，在手机上将入住信息详细填写，然后形成了另一个二维码，工作人员扫描后给一个带有房间号的塑料袋，里面装的是消毒剂。然后按照楼层不同，要求扫码，进入楼层群，便于联系和领导。然后就按照不同楼层，工作人员将乘客送入房间，便不得再出客房的们。我很幸运，住在20层，可以从窗口看到上海市的高楼大厦，湛蓝天空。房间也舒适，干净，并周到的将14天的用品都备好了。感激。

   疫情之下，非必要不旅行。这次回国，给一路的工作人员增加了很多的麻烦。感谢！感恩！

   安定下来了，就要有序的生活，因此，为自己制定了这样的日程：

1.       早晨5点起床，梳洗，更衣。

2.       做功课，禅修。喝水。

3.       喝咖啡。查电脑。

4.       锻炼身体：做操，做瑜伽。

5.       早午餐。

6.       听课，写心得。

7.       晚餐。

一天下来，也挺忙。今天上午自己测了一次体温，并在手机上上传了。下午医务人员来测了一次体温。

难得有如此专一的时间静修。感恩。

2021年的回国经历： Saturday, September 25

 

回国，隔离第一天晚上。

因为母亲病重，2021年8月27好开始申请人道签证，2021年9月17号，星期五拿到签证，立即上网购买了9月24号凌晨从西雅图到上海的机票，与姐姐姐夫同一个航班。即开始收拾行李，做出行的准备。

还好，去西雅图做有关新冠的检测（核酸检查，IgM检查，N蛋白检查）的预约和宾馆住宿因为姐姐姐夫的行成，早就安排好了，也算省了心。所以，周六去购买了咖啡，染了头发，周日照常去上班，12个小时的复杂患儿的管理，很累，但是坚持下来了。周一仍然有班，决定坚持，已经告诉科室经理和护士长要在周三离开，周二的班已经调好（开始是调到周五，因为当时不知道自己能够成行，只是帮助姐姐姐夫做检查，住宿等安排的），心想，自己可以的。

周一，正常5点起床，冲凉，礼佛，修行，然后收拾午餐，喝咖啡… …打开手机微信，听到了母亲的留言：请了解一下食道支架的事情… …

我知道，是因为老同学张丰伟和梁周榕去看父母，向母亲提到了食道支架的事情。因此，开车上班的路上竟然心绪不宁，差点走错了路，因此感觉自己心事重重，担心在工作中出差错。就很焦急，内心生出了请假的念头。正好在医院门口碰到了护士长，告知此想法，得到鼓励。就到科室将请假的事情告诉了夜班护士长，并给人事部打了电话请病假。然后找科室经理说明情况，并到医院工作人员保健科将新冠疫苗卡整理，并接种了新的流感疫苗；到药房将要带的药贴取回。就开车回家了。但是半天的时间，一直感觉不好，身体不适。休息到了中午，稍好一些。

本来要先生帮助买咖啡，给儿子买内裤的，就决定自己去。先生愿意一起去，就出去将这两件事情办完了。在车的后视镜里看到了头发花白的自己，提了一下，先生就要求给美发师打电话，结果就去染了头发，先生在外面等待的太久了，听收音机竟然把车上的电池消耗殆尽，导致发动不了。无奈找保险公司派人给点火才开回家。

周二休息，整理行李，总是心情稍微安定了一些。周三4点钟起床，到火车站，中午时分就到了西雅图，来接的车已经在等待，将我们送到酒店，因为为时太早，只能把行李放到前台，我们步行15分钟去做新冠检测。司机收了70美元现金，是我的选择。一切顺利，回到宾馆，住进去，稍事安定。半夜拿到检测结果，立即发往大使馆，等待绿码。直到次日10时左右，拿到绿码，才算放心。

9月23号下午6时，车来接我们去机场。司机收了100美元现金。是司机的要求。需要与酒店沟通，最起码他们应该知道，他们的关系户在损害他们的名誉。（本来规定是70美元，他要100，还必须是现金，这些都不对）。

然后就是托运行李，办理登机牌，安检，登机。劳累，但是也是常规了，更何况是在瘟疫世界大流行期间？！

现在，在隔离酒店。不错，每天￥380，我拒绝点餐。否则￥80/天。一是因为嫌贵，二是因为不确定因素太多，素食者，又吃不多，怕浪费。

累了，该睡了。

A boy with brain tumor

                                  

         There were a 5-year-old young boy, a 20-year-old big brother, a 30-year-old young doctor, a 40-year-old senior neurosurgeon and a 20-year-old intern … those are the team I remembered. Of course, there were nurses there as well. That was the first brain surgery I attended. 

           That was about over 30 years ago when I was an intern in a large hospital in China. 

           During my rotations in surgery, I was following Dr. Wang, a young surgeon in neurosurgery team. There was a 5 year’s old boy admitted for elective surgery for brain tumor. He was very active and naturally happy in general when the headache and /or localized epilepsy not bothering him. 

           Few days ago, when Dr. Wang and I were at the clinic, a 20 year’s old young man took the 5 years little boy to the biggest hospital in the area seeking help. 

          “What brings you here today young man?” Doctor Wang asked the little boy with a smile in his face at the clinic. 

         “There is a big monster in my head, and I want you to catch it.” The boy said with unquestioned trust.

           “My brother is 5 years old, and he generally is in good health. Since last year, he started complaint of headache and sometime has seizures. The local doctor checked on him and we were told that there is a tumor in his head, and it is needed to be removed. We heard Dr. Zhao is the only good neurosurgeon in this area, so we are here to see him and want him to remove the tumor.” The about 20 year’s old big brother said to the doctor. 

            “I am Dr. Wang, Dr. Zhao’s surgery team member. Dr. Zhao and I work together. Let us do some examination and to see what we can do and Dr. Zhao will be here to check on him later.” Dr. Wang said. 

            The boy was admitted to the neurosurgery floor. Then there were blood tests, electrocardiogram, X-ray, brain angiography etc. After all the tests were done, the boy was ready for surgery. 

            The evening before surgery, Dr. Wang led me to visit the boy and talked with the big brother: “Tomorrow, it is scheduled to do the surgery to remove your brother’s brain tumor. As you knew, surgery itself has lots of risks like bleeding, incision infection, surround tissue damage and anesthesia accident, each of them could result in death and/or injury. For brain surgery, there even greater risks of these because we need to open his skull to work on the toufu like brain tissue and to find the tumor and then remove the tumor. The tumor is near the sagittal sinus and there is a great risk for bleeding. Again, any surgery has risks and benefits. The surgery will remove the tumor and get rid of all the symptoms. If you are willing to take the risks and wish the doctors to perform the surgery, here is some paperwork need you to sign for consent. Do you have any question about the surgery that Dr. Zhao is going to perform for your brother tomorrow?” 

         “Will he be awake after surgery?” The brother asked. 

          “It depends. After we take him to the operation room, the anesthesiologist will admit anesthesia to him, and he will be in sleep during surgery. After surgery, he will wake up, but sometimes it takes time. It maybe takes up to half day for him to wake up.” Dr. Wang answered.

         “What should I prepare for him to eat after surgery? Will he be able to talk, and all his headache and seizure will be gone after surgery?” the brother asked. 

          “As soon as he is awake from the anesthesia, he can eat. Anything rich in protein will be good for his recovery. Yes, the goal for this surgery is for him to be free of headache and seizure and able to lead a normal life. But he will have some headaches after surgery from the incision and surgery site. But that will be temporary.” Dr. Wang answered.

          “OK. Then I will sign the paper and thank you very much Dr. Wang.” The brother said. He signed the consent for surgery. 

            Dr. Wang shaved the boy’s head and asked the brother to wash his head and no food and drink after 10PM. The shaved little boy looked like a cute little monk: clean, pure and smart. At the time we left the room, the boy waved us “goodbye” with a big smile on his face. 

           The next morning, the operation room was ready. The boy was wheeled to the OR. On the equipment table, there were army of saws, hammers, pincers, Scissors, forceps hemostatic, needles, suture lines, needle holder and forceps etc. 

           There was the famous Dr. Zhao who was wearing a heat and mask. His both hands are scribed and sterilized with disinfectant hand sanitizer (bromo-geramine solution). The solution was still dripping. And there was Dr. Wang and I, we both were scribed and sterilized. The instrument nurse was ready before the doctors and patient arrived. Of course, there were circulation nurses, the anesthesiologist. 

           The boy was already out due to anesthesia. The doctors and I dried our hands and arms with sterile towels, started to put sterile gowns and sterile gloves on. And then everybody got to their place and the surgery had begun.

            Under anesthesia, the boy’s head was prepared, sterilized and covered by sterile towels. The skin was cut, and the skull was exposed, and the saws and hammers got to work, the doctors opened the boy’s skull, and the white, toufu like brain was in front of us. 

            Dr. Zhao was very carefully examining the brain and he found the tumor. It was close to the cerebral venous sinus but still can be removed safely. The doctors worked together and smoothly removed the tumor and the surgery was a success at the point. 

           The whole process was so smooth and seemed easy even the chief neurosurgeon was satisfied. But just before wrapping up the surgery, Dr. Zhao saw a small spot of calcification on the boy’s brain. He wanted to remove the calcification spot to make the brain look perfect. It seemed easy and small. He could just take it out with a Toothless tweezers. So, he did it. The calcification spot was out but the operation area started massive bleed. “Crap! The venous sinus is broke.” The two doctors were hurrying up using every possible measure trying to stop the bleeding. 

           But venous sinus hemorrhage was far serious than one can imagine. And at that time reconstruction of the ruptured venous sinus is almost impossible. The boy’s blood pressure was quickly dropping and … 

          “Please call the director in. We need do a carotid artery ligation stat! (That will cut the blood supply to the brain! But that is the only way can get the boy out of OR alive!)” Dr. Wang, the unit director was called in and performed the ligation. The surgery site stopped bleeding. The surgery wrapped up and the patient was sent back to his room.

           He was still at "sleep" but was breathing and had a heart rate. His brother was at the bedside. 

          “We successfully removed the brain tumor. But during surgery, the venous sinus was broken, and we could not save your brother.” The doctor told the big brother. The next day, the boy died. 

         “Well, baby brother, they tried to cure your headache. Now you will never have headache again and you have lived a good life. Please Rest in peace.” That was all I remembered that big brother’s sentence.

           “I am so regret! I am regretting to die! I should leave the calcification spot alone!” Dr. Zhao was bitterly remorseful and in deep sorrow. He felt that he killed the little boy. 

           Yes, indeed, if he did not touch the calcification spot after he removed the tumor. The boy would still be alive and have a good life without headache and seizure. 

          But life does not believe in “if…” does not allow one for regret, especially in medicine. 

         “Just carefully following the plan and no more before carefully planned when you do surgery on people’s brain.” That is the lesson I learned from this tragedy.

Mommy chicken and her babies

New life

Happy New Year 2021!

The COVID 19 vaccine

yesterday，I went ahead got my COVID 19 vaccine. It feels like just a flu shot. But during night, I started feel painful of the injection site. with the time goes by, I feel better. Thanks for the vaccine. Next month, I will need the second dose. I hope everything will be fine.

COVID-19 in the US

                               COVID-19 in the US
COVID-19 is around the world for over 2 months. At first, it was started to infect the Chinese in Wuhan, Hubei. And then it is spreading all over China, and Now all over the world … And now it is pandemic! The cases in the United States are increasing rapidly every day and the WHO keep telling people that containment of COVID-19 must be the top priority for all countries, but at the same time, countries should be preparing for sustained community transmission.
The cluster in Seattle senior care facility is already telling us how serious of the situation is in the United States. But the media and the experts are telling the public “no need to wear masks” but try stay away from crowds to save the masks for healthcare professionals who would be in the front line for the virus. And the WHO will continue to provide evidence-based guidance to help countries and individuals to assess and manage their risk, and make decisions.
In those couple months when the Chinese fighting the virus provided lots of evidence and effective methods: Use herb medicine, Wear face masks, wash hands often, stay in home… are the effective measures to stop spreading COVID-19. After all, isolation is the most important measure! And in China, the close management of each society, quarantine the patients and the close contacts are seriously taken. That is why they can successfully contain the virus spread and decrease the number of patients.
Isolate Patient, stop the transmission road, protect the susceptible population are the golden rule to stop communicable infectious diseases. It is in the text book!
Isolation can be two sides: prevent disease transmission and protect people who need to be close contact to the patient. When there is a patient identified, we put him/her in isolation room and not allow him/her to go out to spread the disease, which is called the patient is in isolation. When healthcare personal went to the room to take care of the patient, we wear personal protective equipment (face mask, barrier gown, and gargle, gloves) to protect self not get and spread the disease that is called reverse isolation.
Now, we knew there are people who were infected by the COVID-19 was asymptomatic but contagious, they can spread the virus to others. That is already proven true in China. That is why when the epidemic started, the Chinese not only quarantined the epidemic center, but also quarantined other cities. It is effectively contained the disease.
But now, the disease is in the US and there were increased cases every day. The US “experts” keep telling public there is “no need” to wear mask. I understand that they do not want the public panic to not able to get masks due to the shortage of supplies. But also misleading! Wear mask could protect you from get contact to whoever carrying the virus when you have to go to grocery store, get on a bus, train, or airplane.
But the culture in the US is: sick person wear mask. It made it hard to wear one if you are not sick. But, really, do you trust people around you not carrying the virus when you have to go shopping?
Yes, like all the healthcare experts said: To prevent the spread of this illness or other illnesses, including the flu:
Wash your hands often with soap and water,
Cover your mouth and nose when you cough or sneeze,
Stay home when you’re sick, and
See your doctor if you think you’re ill.
Also, I would like to add: when go to public place, wear a mask!

NICU nurse: Growing up with the babies

                           
Being a NICU nurse for over 10 years, I deeply believe that all the sentient beings are equal and deserve to be loved and respected.
Serving the tiniest population, we are sensitive to their fragileness of body and system. A baby’s condition may change rapidly, it can go either directions, we pay close attention to every changes to provide the proper care to them. Baby’s family is part of the NICU care; we need pay attention to their needs as well. With our tinny patients, we also need to be aware of their psychological and spiritual needs. Each baby is a unique individual and we ought to provide individualized care to them.
As NICU nurse, we often talk to our tiny patients. We talk to them as they were adults, as if they really understand what we are talking about. People outside of the NICU may think we’re crazy because the tiny babies could not talk and perhaps could not understand what we were talking about. In fact, they do.
Buddhists believe that human life is part of the samsara. Our spirit exists in beginningless time and we have been circling in samsara for long time. In some point, we should have some memories of our past life. And the premature babies certainly have better memories of that since they have not been exposed to the current life as much. And they do know what they want and understand what is going on. And they do have the right to be notified what is going to happen to their body and environment.
There is a Chinese proverb: Treat people as you want to be treated. (己所不欲，勿施于人) This is what we should do for our tiny patients as well.
Like us, Babies do not like surprises.
In my experience as a NICU nurse, if you tell the babies what you are going to do, they tend to do better. Some of them even cooperative and behave well. Normally, before I start to do anything with the baby, I often open the isolette and call their name: “hello baby xxx, this is Snow. It is the time again. I am going to take your temperature and it will be really quick. I have to hold your arm so you cannot move it for couple minutes. ” While taking the temperature, I keep talking, either praise them being so good or talk to them about what will happen after that or tell them what is going on with their parents. Sometimes, I let them know that their parents are coming to visit soon and will hold them and let them know that everyone loves them. Most of time, babies are very reasonable and they will not cry if you talk to them. Otherwise, if you don’t say anything, and just open their door and put your hands on them, they will fight and cry. Again, they do not like surprises! Waking a baby up without telling them what is happening is not nice. Of course they will be upset and the only way they can express their feeling is cry. I have seen lots of those “reasonable” babies and I really enjoy taking care of them.
Like us, babies like to be cleaned and confortable.
When the diaper is wet or dirty, they want to be changed and they will cry until get changed. When we see a baby who is restless, or irritable, or crying, there must be a reason. We need to find out what made them so. If you carefully check, you will find the problem. Once we take care of their discomfort, they will likely to go back to sleep. Do not disturb a sleeping baby unless it is medically necessary. Babies grow only when they are in deep sleep.
Babies’ parents are the ones under extreme stress: their little child is under someone else’s care which they may not really trust, and they could not do much about it. The anxiousness, the helpless ness really can make them crazy and depressed.
Nurses, as scientist, sometimes concentrated on tasks, diseases, conditions, medications, procedures and so on. We may be sensitive enough to our tiny patients but not to the parents. During our busy work schedule, most time, parents’ needs were over looked. We are there not only for the babies, but the parent as well.  But in a rare occasion, we may be physically present, but not fully present for the family. I have couple of experiences while I was busy with other patients and work and not fully present to the parents which cause lots of stress for them. Luckily, I have the ability to examine myself and trying to do better later.
Nurses are very lucky to help people who are suffering. Being a nurse is also a lifelong meditation process to be present for our patients and family all the time.
I am very lucking being a NICU nurse. The tinniest patients taught me to be respectful, patient, gentle, thorough, and present fully all the time. I am still learning from them and their family. Growing up with my tinny patients is a privilege for being a NICU nurse.

I love my job.